This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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