dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
