so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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