i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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