I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
