Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Panties = found
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