if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
