i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize