I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
