i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she told me i tasted like america
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Vodka?
Forever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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