if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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