My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well you can't waste a boner
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
