My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She needs sedatives and a leash
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
