totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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