so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
