I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
