just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
