also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
