You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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