He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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