You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
