why didn't you poke me back
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
