nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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