im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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