i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
try to milk me bitch
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