it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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