So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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