You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize