Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
