I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
