Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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