If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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