he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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