just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
