eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
