This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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