I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
