Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
