What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
