Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
