White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
