I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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