p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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