I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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