When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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