HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
