I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
