Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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