drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
