the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
