You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
