she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
