I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
