Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
