This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize