I CAN MOONWALK!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
