How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
