No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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