Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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