Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
