That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
