so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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