I faked an abortion last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
