dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
