Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
