Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
