I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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