im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
