I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize