The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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