I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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