So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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